CHAPTER ONE

‘ONCE UPON A TIME A MAN

AND A WOMAN MET’

Courtship, Engagement, and Marriage ~ 

Read about the unusual sequence of events that could only happen at Christmas. It happened in the twinkling of an eye and the courtship was short. Carol’s marriage plans were interrupted and she received a visual premonition of the man who was soon to come into her life. Ray and Carol married and the newlyweds found themselves traveling from coast to coast and border to border. Central America and South America beckoned. Ports of call in the exotic Caribbean included the Bahamas, Jamaica, Haiti, Puerto Rico, The Virgin Islands, Antigua, Barbados, Trinidad, and Tobago. Dr. Meadors points out that marriages made in heaven require just as much work and commitment. Storybook dreams of a perfect marriage are an illusion. How could Raymond and Carol’s marriage relationship run into difficulties? Heaven did its part in making the match, but they failed to take into account that heavenly matches are lived under difficult circumstances—a world full of pressure tearing at the fabric of the strongest relationship. They faced the reality that marriage is the perfect union of two imperfect people.

CHAPTER TWO

GRIEVOUS MISTAKE: MISSING THE CUES

Things disliked most in same sex parents inevitably come back to haunt. Raymond’s father was a non-emotional person. He had difficulty bonding with significant others. Intimacy created awkwardness for him. Public displays of affection were foreign to him. Not far into marriage, Raymond found himself reverting to father-like behaviors. It seemed to be an attractive power he could not resist. Romantic behaviors exhibited in courtship gradually faded into oblivion. Carol tried to unlock his closed world. She often set the romantic stage in hopes of being invited into the heretofore forbidden zones of Raymond’s inner world.  Raymond was clueless. Read about the numerous ways Raymond and many other husbands miss cues from their wives with regularity. The consequence: Glitter falls from a “marriage made in heaven’s” halo when cues are missed continually.

CHAPTER THREE

VALLEY OF SHADOW OF DEATH

Dr. Meadors’s family of origin included father, mother, brother, sister, and him. With one untimely left turn, a fiery crash with a huge tractor-trailer truck swept three of these family members into the portals of eternity. The gravity of the loss was unfathomable to most people. People handle grief and mourning differently. Some are outward and demonstrative, everyone knows it. Others are inward and passive, no one knows it.  Raymond’s grief resembled the latter, inward and passive, no one knowing. Except Carol. Carol knew it, but she did not have the key to unlock his pain. She had the ability to unlock the pain and to heal the wounds, but he would not give her possession of the key. Over a period of time her sense of helplessness increased with each subsequent rebuff. Then negative things began going on in her head. “Why doesn’t it bother him that he lost sixty percent of his immediate family in one tragic accident?” Then the big lie was perpetrated on Carol that left her feeling isolated and alone. The thought kept recurring, “If the loss of his parents and only sister has no more effect on him than this, I don’t stand a chance. He wouldn’t think twice if he lost me.” Inappropriate grieving over losses in one’s life creates stress and tension in a marriage relationship.

CHAPTER FOUR

DAY THE STOCK MARKET CRASHED

Post-Heritage USA days of healing and recovery. It was not an easy time remobilizing and finding a new sense of direction. Raymond and Carol seemed to find niches for short periods of time, only for them to end in bitter disappointment. With each one of these disappointments was corresponding financial shortfalls. The day arrived when they collapsed under the pressure of financial indebtedness. The gravity of the enormous cloud of depression that settled over Dr. Meadors’s life is indescribable. Financial adversity tarnishes the glitter of a marriage made in heaven. People who experience financial disaster internalize a plethora of negative emotions and feelings. Financial collapse is like a flashing neon light in one’s life. It is a painful reminder that something went awry. There is an immense degree of guilt to be processed within the deep heart. On the inside they are eaten away with a sense of failure, shame, disgrace, humiliation, and embarrassment. Their self-esteem is eroded. They are often ashamed to show their faces in public. Self-confidence is absolutely shattered. The man is particularly devastated because it destroys the provider-instinct that is the feeder system to a healthy male ego. Follow Dr. Meadors in this chapter as he describes Financial Disaster: The Many Faces of Pain and Spirit’s amazing response to failure in our lives.

CHAPTER FIVE

CHILDREN: PAIN OR PLEASURE (Blessing or Burden)

When the first child arrived, things changed drastically. What happened to the quality time Carol and Raymond devoted exclusively to each other? With child number two everything required expansion to accommodate this second addition to their world. Shannon and Valerie were alpha and omega, the first and last. Seven years elapsed—make that alpha and omega plus one. “Hello, Wesley Raymond Meadors. Good bye another eighteen years of freedom.” Raymond discovered that parenting requires patience, endurance, resiliency, durability, tenacity, and limitless giving of self—and a lot of money. His sense of worth diminished considerably, for in his eyes he was not providing for family. Providing for those for whom he is responsible is a basic need in men. At times marriage and children felt more a burden than a blessing. He wondered if they would be better off without him.  At other times he mused,  “Where are the rewards for having children?” Many husbands will identify with the agony Raymond went through in this candid documentary of the childrearing phase of life and the negative effect this can have on a marriage relationship.

CHAPTER SIX

WOUNDED BUT NOT WASTED

Dr. Meadors’ Response to Marital Missteps

A closing message of hope and encouragement for couples. The Eternal’s view of success and failure is quite different from the world’s view. We were all created with a success DNA and even when we experience what appears to be life-shattering failures, they could actually be a blessing in disguise. The author’s view of failure was redefined, but the reframing process came with much resistance. Change is difficult to maintain because of the ease of slipping into old thought patterns. Viewing failure from a positive perspective requires radical shifts in one’s thinking. Inspirational and affirming words from numerous sources help in this realignment and bring periodic adjustment to self-defeating attitudes.